The River Daily

one of my favorite ways of thinking about the artist's life is from liz gilbert describing how the process of being inspired works. my imagination has it play out like this: the universe has these ideas flying through space, at all times really, like these orbs that are just beyond our reach. and these ideas come to us, come upon us, float down, and offer themselves up to be made. they choose us. and we can say yes. or, we can say no, and they will go find someone else who will say yes.

the river daily came upon me like this. it’s been less than three weeks since i created and began sharing this project with loved ones. but somehow, i can’t even really remember the moment the idea arrived. it’s like it was just there.

in the aftermath of the murder of george floyd, i was watching social media and getting overwhelmed, as i always do when a black man dies. there are so many calls to action. so many books to read. so many conversations to have. so many words to sift through. and i wondered what it would be like to be someone who is entirely new to this “work.” who never really thought there was a problem. but who was deciding to say “yes” to the movement, now. 

i was that person five years ago, when i arrived in st. louis. and i remember the oversaturation. and the confusion. and how debilitating it is to want to start, but to not know how. so i tried to do all of it. i bought all of the books. went to all of the speakers. started projects that were missing a soul, because they seemed like the things i was supposed to be doing, instead of what i felt naturally moved (and equipped) to do. i jumped in head first, without ever considering what i had to offer or where it was i needed to grow. and, i drowned. just as quickly as i hopped in. i was gasping for air and trying to get out. trying to escape the dark abyss i found myself in. the river had taken hold of me, and i was unprepared to move with it. i know what it is like to jump in without integrity, without alignment, and with so much desperation. 

i believe that we can do better.

that we can enter into this revolutionary river with purpose and intention. that we don’t have to drown. or jump out as quickly as we jumped in, because we weren’t ready for what the river might ask of us.

so then, the universe gifted me with this idea. 

the river daily is a month-long journaling project that is meant to address what i believe is the most important part of any movement for liberation: the interior world. the project is meant to create space for each of us to explore our personal relationship to race - away from the public spotlight and in partnership with the deepest wisdom of our beings. racialization is an oppressive and pervasive force. none of us come out of this life unscathed by it. so this project - this work, this practice of taking a deeper look - is for all of us.

i believe that collective change is impossible until the individual changes first. and i don’t think we do that by donating or by protesting or by attending lectures, alone. i am certain that all of those things have their place in the movement. but i believe, from experience, that to do all of those things without excavating your interior world, too, is not a sustainable way to commit to this work. i believe that to not look in the mirror - before going out to change everyone else, and the world - ultimately leaves a person feeling directionless and depleted.

the movement for liberation is urgent work. it is about action. and all the things we must do to get free. the river daily is meant to complement that work. it is meant to make space. to invite us to pause. and to explore our interior worlds. so that we can show up with more energy, more compassion, and more integrity to the movement that asks for us all.