Day 5
In my recovery, I’ve learned (and hopefully internalized) the idea of taking care of my side of the street. Of cleaning up my mess. Tending to my small corner of the world. This is a hard practice, especially during times like this. To not despair over what is going on across the street or down the road or the fire burning in the neighboring city. And to not feel a compulsion to walk over there to clean up someone else’s mess. Another way I have thought about this is like driving a car down the road. Looking over, and deciding the person in the next car is doing it wrong. I leap out of mine, on impulse, to try to corral them. Commandeer their car. Get them back on the road as I deem it appropriate.
The consequence of these actions, of course, is that the weeds start growing at my house, there’s trash creating an unsettling smell somewhere that I can’t quite put my finger on, the food in the refrigerator is molding, pets haven’t been fed. Or, in the other way, I finally give the other person their car back, only to walk back the however-many-miles, and find mine in a ditch.
What I have found, in short, is that when I worry about what other people are doing, when I judge the way they are tending to their corner of the world (e.g. the way they’re protesting or not, posting about these injustices or not, and yes, even, being hideously racist or not), I forget to tend to my own corner. And things get out of sorts. Now, I am not saying to condone the hideously racist comment, or even to ignore it. What I am suggesting is that maybe if we put the work into our corner of the world, first - like, maybe if we take out our trash, first, or mow the lawn before we leave - then we will have the centered capacity to walk down the street or to go talk to our neighbor whose behavior is harmful to the whole town; knowing, from a grounded place, what we have the power to change in the world around us, and what we don’t.
Today, I am reflecting about the illusion of control. The ways I think I can force change upon other people. And realizing that I can’t. Not really. Not in a sustained way. Not in a way that will bring liberation to us all. People will change when they are ready to change. And not a moment sooner.
A Practice for Today:
Let’s make it artsy. Draw a road. Make it decorative. Make it plain. Use crayons. Use a pen. Make sure there are two distinct sides. Now, take the first few minutes of your practice to write all of the things that are in your power when it comes to the struggle for global liberation. Not intangible things, like “be a better ally.” But, if you want to be a better ally, what does that look like. What are the steps, the practices, the conversations you must have. Then, on the other side of the street, make a list of things that are outside of your control, like, “single handedly dismantling racism” or, even, and maybe sadly “making my grandparents anti-racist.”
When your list is done, pick something that struck you or surprised you to write about. Maybe a “thing you do have power over” that scares you. Or, a “thing I thought I had power over” that you need to mourn.
